Casuals

So tonight I had what we musicians on the West Coast call a 'casual'. In case I haven't mentioned what a 'casual' is before let me explain; a casual is gig at a wedding, business reception, cocktail party, corporate reception, etc. They usually involve a tuxedo, and a lot of money.

(Let me just throw in a little regional musician dialect for you here; in L.A. we call them 'casuals' but in NYC they call them 'club dates'. Both of these names are odd because they are formal gigs that don't happen at clubs. In Chicago they are called 'jobbing gigs', this seems most appropriate.)

There is no personal expression at a casual, no creativity and no artistic fulfillment. You're either playing unoffensive jazz tunes or classic rock/pop songs. There is nothing more degrading for a musician than a casual. BUT they pay more than other gigs. The casual I had tonight was pretty rough and really typifies what you go through on one of these gigs.

The gig was a wedding reception in the Malibu Canyon. I had some trouble finding the place and called the guy who booked me on the gig. He told me he'd have one of the event planners call me back and help me. I found it soon after but still got the call from the event planner telling me I had to get there as soon as possible and giving me attitude. This was at 3:40 and I was told to arrive at 3:45, already I knew this was going to be a doozy.

Let me take a moment here to tell you about even planners, they are among the most condescending and disrespectful people you will meet in any profession. And I am not joking one little bit.

I arrive on time and am surprised to see that this wedding is going to be held at a horse stable. Well, not the actual stable but a nice lawn area next to the stable. I unload my gear, go park my car and walk all the way back to the stage through the various lawns and horse stables in my suit. The horses were looking at me as if to say "why are you wearing patent leather shoes on this dirt road, sir?" I set up my gear and the event planner begins telling us all how little time we have and how we needed to hurry and sound check before the guests began to arrive. This gig was a little strange as we were going to play in three different locations (one for cocktails, one for dinner, one for the reception). So we sound check not once but three times all the while with the event planner up our asses telling us we needed to hurry.

Luckily we finished before any of the guests became offended by a sound check. So there's an hour to kill before we play, we sit around and shoot the breeze. The sun is going down and its starting to get cold. The ceremony ends, its almost time to play and the event planner literally counts us down to the moment we are to begin, "one minute ... 30 seconds ... 15 seconds ... GO!" As if the guests would up and leave if they happened to pick up their Captain n' Coke without "Girl From Ipanema" playing in the background. Its really cold outside and my fingers are numb but a sharp pain shoots through them when I press one of my bass strings down.

We play the cocktail set and move to the next stage for the dinner set. We were told we would have a 15 minute break but the event planner said we needed to begin playing immediately, I guess the guests couldn't find their seats unless they were provided with a soundtrack. So, no break. We play the set and have to stop a couple of songs when the event planner informs us that the emcee needs to say something or there is a toast to be made. Finally we get a break and by this time everyone is pretty hungry. We are lead to a table with three vats of old and cold picked-over pasta. There was nowhere to sit, no shelter or anything. It was awful, luckily there was another event planner there to tell us that the food was still good and it wasn't that cold outside. It seems we were acting like divas by expecting a decent meal in the middle of six hours of work.

So we go back after 10 minutes of choking down cold ziti and the event planner counts us down again and continues shouting directions while we are playing. This seems to be a good time to mention that nobody at the reception seems to give two shits about the music. No one claps or dances or bobs their head ... I don't know why we had to get bossed around by this fascist planner since everybody else was so indifferent.

We get another break and move to the final location. They rustle up some small pizzas for the band in the kitchen area which quickly get snatched up. A few minutes later yet another event planner comes out, sees the eaten pizza crusts and yells at one of the chefs "I NEEDED THOSE PIZZAS!!" I'm still curious as to what circumstances causes someone to yell for his lost pizzas in such a rage. We get on stage and are told that the wedding party will be walking in to some songs from a CD and we needed to act like we were playing along. You heard me, on top of actually playing we had to act like we were playing as well. The party enters and the acting commences. We then play the first dance and afterwards launch in to a stirring rendition of "Have Negila". After that, I'm done. I hear the band start "Play That Funky Music White Boy" and I leave. I walk all the way across the lawn and through the stables with my bass on my back to get to my car. By this time it was totally dark outside and the horses had on their blinders that they sleep with. If they had been able to see me I'm sure they would've asked why I was still in patent leather shoes and if I was carrying a big guitar or a cello.

I drive the car over to the stage area, load up my amp and finally leave the gig.

This, ladies and gentleman, is the typical casual for a working musician. You work so hard to become a good artist honing your craft and studying the technical aspects of your instrument only to discover that the work that usually pays the most is the worst that usually degrades you the most. And there are musicians who do casuals week in and week out their entire lives. I don't know how they do it. I'm pretty lucky.

For any of you who think I don't have a real job or what I do is 'play' and not 'work' or that I shouldn't be privy to benefits like those who hold a 'normal job' because I enjoy what do, know this: I earned every cent of my money tonight!