Lyman's Social Rantings Pt. 2: The Topper

(in this ongoing series our writer looks at different social quirks and practices that annoy the shit out of him)

(please note the use of the word 'topper' in this post does not imply any homo-erotic connotation, perv!)

Of all the different types of people you meet the Topper is without a doubt one of the worst. We all know people like this, we work with them, we went to school with them and somehow we've had conversations with them without slapping their face off. A Topper is one of those people who has to top whatever you say. You can't tell them what a bad day you're having without them immediately stopping you and telling you how worse their day has been. You can't tell them how good a concert you just saw is without them cutting off your story and telling you how great some concert they just saw is. It's epidemic.

"I love Pearl Jam's second record."
"Have you heard their third record? That's the one to get, the second one is good and all but the third one is so much better."

"My feet hurt today."
"I don't want to hear about your feet. My feet have been killing me forever."

"I've been really busy lately."
"Well there's no way you've been as busy as I have."

I fear we will never find a cure for the Topper. All we can do is avoid them at all costs or at the very least remind them that everyday conversation is not a competition. These people are just insecure and looking for someone to either tell them how cool they are or feel sorry for them. Don't indulge the Topper, it will only make things worse!

P.S.
I'd like to add that recent pop culture has birthed a new form of Topper I like to call 'The Office Topper'. These people can't let two words go by regarding the American version of The Office without telling you how infinitely superior the British version is. The Office Toppers are so pervasive these days that I've had to boycott the British Office. Never will I watch it! It could be Citizen Kane and I'd never know it because it's been ruined for me. If you encounter an Office Topper I suggest employing the following strategy:

"Did you see the Office last night? Steve Carell was so funny."
"But have you seen the British Office? The American one is good but the British one really is better."
"Oh yeah? Well have you seen the Ugandan Office? Man, the Uganda version is the best of all!"

New Top Five up. Go dig it.

Posted at at 6:13 AM on Monday, April 30, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 3 comments   | Filed under:

Back in Florida

I got to Vero Beach, FL last night for a gig with the bossman. We played a private tonight, a wedding for the American Ambassador to Tanzania's daughter. There were over 275,000 roses there. Needless to say it was a really nice wedding reception.

But private gigs are all the same, a drag. Back home tomorrow. I've spent way too much time in Florida this year.

Posted at at 9:29 PM on Saturday, April 28, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 1 comments   | Filed under:

The Spectrum of Shopping

Yesterday Carrie and I broke down and got a Costco card. Most folks in LA have one but I'm always leery of a place where you have to purchase a card just to browse around. But with all of the diapers and formula cans we're going to be buying it's a good idea.

How many people need crap this big? I was in need of hot sauce and all I found was packages of two quart-sized bottles taped together. What am I going to do with that? Sure it might look like a good idea, but when you consider how much money your losing through you mortgage using up storage space for Tobasco bottles that will last you seven years, it's really not a good purchase at all. You can't buy anything reasonably sized there. But I will say they have some good DVD prices and it seems like their meat department was pretty good.

From corporate monolith to small-time sellers, we left Costco and headed for the weekly Farmer's Market in Northridge. Carrie and I decided that we're going to buy all of our produce there this summer. They have great quality organic stuff (cheese too) not to mention food stands (shave ice!) and rides. Milo had a good time eating cotton candy and caramel apples.

Speaking of Milo, he's going to have surgery soon. Carrie and I have spent 40% of our lives over the past couple of months picking up his pacifier and putting it in his mouth only to watch him spit it out whereupon we retrieve the nummy and put it back in to his mouth only to watch him spit it out again whereupon we retrieve the nummy and put it back in to his mouth only to watch him spit it out again whereupon we retrieve the nummy ... you get the picture. To help with this desperate situation we've decided to have his pacifier surgically attached to his mouth. It will make eating and breathing a bit more complicated, but it sure will make life a little less redundant.

New Top Five up. Go dig it.

Posted at at 5:45 PM on Thursday, April 26, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 4 comments   | Filed under:

New Blog

I've started a new blog: TOP FIVE.

" ... what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... books, records, films -- these things matter."
-Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

If you've never played Top Five before, it's a lot of fun. This week's topic: Gangster Movies. So hop on over and tell everyone your top five gangster flicks.

Posted at at 10:40 PM on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 4 comments   | Filed under:

Types of work

The little tour went well. The festival in Cleveland was a lot of fun and Botti's band really put on a great show. As far as gigs that touring jazz musicians have, festivals are my favorite. There are basically four types of gigs we do; theaters, clubs, festivals, and privates.

Theaters-Theaters are what we typically do with Tyrell these days. Theaters usually have a stage crew with a soundman and lighting guy. Theaters are nice because you typically only play one set and dinner is catered. But the crowds are older so sometimes the show doesn't have a lot of energy. Plus since they are usually one-night engagements doing a tour of theaters means a lot of traveling.

Clubs-Jazz clubs are fun because it's more of an intimate setting and there's usually a younger, hipper crowd ready to chat and have a drink with you after you play. The club usually serves food which is nice but it isn't always free. And you always do two sets at a club which can be exhausting. There's usually only one soundman and if he doesn't know what he's doing the sound can be a total drag. But playing at a club is usually a multi-night engagement so you're in one place for a while and have your daytimes off.

Festivals-My favorite. The sound and crew are usually tight because they are dealing with so many acts and there's a lot of hospitality for the artists. The best thing is hanging out with the other musicians who are there and seeing other shows for free.

Privates-The absolute worst. These can be anything form huge corporate parties to weddings to a rich lady's birthday party. You're usually treated like you're hired help (enter through the kitchen, dry sandwiches for dinner, wear a tux, etc.) and no one gives a crap about the music; the audience is more concerned with selling some real estate than checking out the tunes. But they usually pay the most so they are a necessary evil.

So we did a private in St Louis on Friday and a festival in Cleveland on Saturday. Now nobody will be confused when I refer to my gigs.

Posted at at 7:28 AM on Monday, April 23, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 13 comments   | Filed under:

The Final Word

My blog about my life so I get the final word. My blog is no autonomy!

In the end my opinions about the libertarianism still hold true. Honestly when I first posted the last blog I was hoping to get into a discussion about ideologies; communism, capitalism, libertarianism, etc. But we immediately directly to gun control, not surprisingly. I think we all agree Casinos and drug bars next to schools are a bad idea but we certainly differ on gun control which does nothing to disprove my hypocrisy opinion.

As for the selfish nature of libertarianism and gun control specifically I'm going to end with this: If I loved guns as much as I loved comic books then I'd be one serious gun collector. So let's imagine that Lyman collects guns, if I were on my way to the gun shop two weeks ago and a genie popped out of my Happy Meal and told me "Lyman, if you take a psych evaluation, wait another month, change your intended purchase from an uzi to a rifle and registered all of those handguns you have there is a 20% chance that a terrible tragedy on the campus of Virginia Tech and the death of 33 innocent people will be avoided."

I'd do it and I'd do it without thinking twice about it. I know if maniacs want guns they are going to get their paws on them, I know crime can't be completely avoided. But even if there is a small chance that some of the thousands of people killed every year by guns could be saved it would be worth a little inconvenience for me.

Some think their personal right to bear arms is more important than that. It may sound harsh but that's how I see it.

Feel free to comment if you like but I might not answer. I'm on the road again away from my family and missing my boy's cute little double-chin immensely so I might not be in the mood to debate this further. Besides, we probably scared my poor mother away from the blog, I think this is the first time she's failed to comment on one of my posts. We're in St. Louis playing a private party tonight then heading to Cleveland to open for pretty-boy jazz trumpeter Chris Botti at a jazz festival. This should be great because while I don't particularly dig his playing his band is phenomenal. I'll be back in LA on Sunday so at least I'm not away from home for too long.

Posted at at 8:38 AM on Friday, April 20, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 6 comments   | Filed under:

Liberty

Like most of you the recent tragedy at Virginia Tech really has me thinking lately. I post quite a bit on a comic book message board and there's a poster there who has used the tragedy as an opportunity to spout off on how gun control isn't the answer, more people need to be armed, etc. He tells me all about his libertarian ideals and how he should have the right to own whatever weapon he want to. I've come to a conclusion over the past week or so: libertarianism sucks.

I know people who own guns, I have friends who own guns. The problem is that most folks in this world aren't as good or responsible as my friends are. This killer in Virginia had obvious mental problems yet was allowed to purchase an instrument of death without any regards to his mental state. Would it really be that much of a hassle for first-time gun owners to see a mental health professional before buying a weapon? I'm in favor of gun control, I could go on and on about it. (And if you really want to hear an ear-full just ask Carrie about gun ownership). But that's not really the point I'm trying to make.

My recent conclusions about libertarianism began to take shape over the weekend during our trip to Vegas. I love Las Vegas, I really do. I'm always down for a party and the party in Vegas never stops. The laws there are obviously quite easy on gambling and drinking and since I can do both responsibly I think Vegas is a great place. But it got me thinking, what if every state had the lax laws that Nevada does? Well, every city would be like Vegas. Think about it, Nevada allows all types of gambling and prostitution and as a result that's what the state is known for. The thing is, I don't want to live in Vegas or a city like Vegas. It's fun to visit a casino but I don't want one next to my son's elementary school. I think it's fine that there is safe prostitution there but I don't want my boy to see flyers for different hookers or strip clubs on his way to school (and you see many, many such flyers in Vegas).

So here's my first problem with libertarianism; there is an obvious disregard for the good of the overall community. A libertarian would say you have a right to own whatever weapon you like and run your business wherever you like, but is that really what is best for the people around you? The first thing I hear out of a libertarian's mouth is "I have the right to ..." and their argument usually starts and ends there. Well, how about thinking about those you interact with directly and indirectly on a daily basis? Is what's good for your pocketbook or your peace of mind really good for your neighbor's elderly parents or your child's classmates?

This leads to my second problem; the inherent hypocrisy of libertarianism. If you have libertarian ideals and are reading this saying "Lyman, that is crazy. Nobody wants a casino next to a schoolhouse" then I'm talking to you. Here are the questions I pose:

1. Should citizens have the right to own nuclear warheads?
2. Should citizens have the right to run cocaine/heroin bars within two blocks of a public school?

Those questions seem crazy, for sure. But if you say 'no' to them then you are saying that the government should limit a citizen's right to bear arms and right to run a business. And it's there that the whole thing breaks down. If the government can limit what kind of weapons that the people carry, what type of weapons should be limited? Who is going to make that decision? You?

Our rights are not absolute. They need to be scrutinized and voted on and re-examined by elected officials. Who knows how many more would've died in Virginia if the killer had easy access to fully automatic weapons?

If there is a silver lining to the tragedy it's that we will undoubtedly be debating and finding new ways to allow the right to bear arms.

Posted at at 2:24 AM on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 40 comments   | Filed under:

Vegas Baby

We're back from our Vegas adventure. Things went well for the most part and we got a taste of what traveling with Milo really is like.

I played with Tyrell at the Golden Nugget over the weekend. Considering the relatively short drive and free hotel Carrie and I figured it would be a good trip for her and Milo to come on before she starts flying with him all over the country. The trip out on Wednesday went pretty smoothly; the trip usually takes 4.5 hrs. but it took up more than 6 since we had to stop and feed the little guy a couple of times.

The Golden Nugget is downtown in old Vegas. I really like it down there. If you stay on the Vegas Strip it's really hard to get around. Every sidewalk runs up to each casino and sometimes it's really confusing to find your way to the street (they don't want you to leave). Downtown is a little more chilled out and the casinos are closer together. If you recall the dialouge from Swingers about casinos on the strip then you feel me.

As you can imagine Milo didn't really take advantage of everything Vegas had to offer. He spent most of his time doing what he always does; eating, sleeping, pooping, crying. He did meet some new people who of course gushed over how adorable he is and he accompanied mommy and daddy to dinner a few times. Here's a pic of Milo enjoying the video/light show at the Fremont Street Experience:



I got to catch up with some old friends of mine who I hadn't seen in nearly a decade since my Ball State days. Friday night I went to see my old bass studio-mate Doug play with his blues band at a neighborhood bar. I took Blue Lou from Tyrell's band and everyone went nuts when he picked up his horn and sat in. The band was great and it was a really fun night. Saturday Doug and I had lunch and caught up with each other. That night I went to see another old BSU friend play saxophone at a burlesque show at the Forty Deuce at Mandalay Bay. While the actual burlesque show was too short for me (yowza!) it was great to see my buddy playing alongside of the dancers, he really sounded great.

I even got three poker sessions in and left up about $140. Not too shabby!

Carrie unfortunately had her second bout with mastitis over the weekend so Milo got his first bottle of formula on Saturday. Now, I'd heard the stories about how much worse formula poo smells than breast milk poo but I really wasn't prepared for exactly how bad it would be. Do you remember that scene in Shawshank Redemption when Andy is crawling through the tiny pipe flowing with raw sewage and the smell is so foul he has to stop and vomit every few feet?

I think I would've preferred crawling through the Shawshank sewage line for a couple of miles than smelling that first diaper full of formula poo. Damn that was rank!

The drive home was the roughest part of the trip. Sunday started out well as we had lunch with another old friend of mine Eliot who used to play piano in Tyrell's band. The food was fantastic and it was really great seeing Eliot again. Then as we hit the road I noticed something wrong with how the car felt as I was driving it. As soon as I started to think it might be something with the steering the tire blew out. I pulled over to the side of the road and jacked up the car and began to change the tire but things looked worse to me. I got the tire off and it seemed like the shock had fallen down too far in to the wheel well and looked bent. I thought we might be stranded in Vegas. We called a tow truck and we called Eliot to come get Carrie and Milo. While we were waiting someone from the Freeway Service Patrol stopped and checked the car out. He looked at the shocks and the struts and thought everything looked fine. I put the spare on and drove the car a short way and soon realized that I was being overly cautious, the shocks were fine and I could drive home with the spare.

But that was only the beginning of the trip. Traffic was bad, Milo was fussy, rain was coming down, the bathroom breaks/feeding breaks/food breaks/bathroom breaks didn't match up ... we first left Vegas at 3 and we didn't get home until 11:30.

But we're home now and looking forward to the next leg of the tour.

Posted at at 8:50 AM on Monday, April 16, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 5 comments   | Filed under:

Milo World Tour

For Immediate Release

Milo World Tour Launching Soon


Dates have been announced for Milo Medeiros' first official tour. Dates are as follows: April 11-15 Las Vegas, Nevada; May 14-21 New York, New York; June 4-15 Indianapolis, Indiana/Chicago, Illinois; late summer Kona, Hawaii (dates TBA).

Make plans now to catch the hottest act to come out of the West Coast in years!


Posted at at 12:12 PM on Tuesday, April 10, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 9 comments   | Filed under:

Easter

I hope everyone had a good Easter. Ours was nice. As you probably know I really like to cook and am always trying new dishes. Yesterday I bought an 8 lb. Pork Butt (butt being the shoulder actually, not the swine's posterior) and roasted overnight for about 8 hours. We went to church (Milo was adorable, pics coming soon on the baby blog) and afterwards I made some baked macaroni and cheese with panko bread crumb toping to go along with the roast. I'd say the meal was quite successful (although I'm usually pretty critical of my cooking and looking for ways to make it better next time; the macaroni and cheese needed more seasoning and I started cutting the pork from the wrong side) although it was a lot of food for the two of us. We're going to be having pulled pork sandwiches for a couple of weeks (with bbq sauce and cole slaw ... ohhh yeah). We waited too long inviting friends over and everyone already had plans.

Church was fun. We went to this Methodist place in Sherman Oaks we had been to years ago. We actually found the place a bit boring and stuffy when we first went there but the church we like is so huge they have to hold their Easter services at the Hollywood Bowl and we didn't feel like messing with traffic so we went back to the church in Sherman Oaks. Last time we were there the pastor was an older white gentleman, well in attempt to liven up the place (I'm guessing here) the United Methodist Church had replaced him with a young black pastor. The congregation had a lot more color and the service was fun and lively. Quite a change from last time.

Here's a pic of dinner, if anyone wants a pork sandwich feel free to stop by:

Posted at at 8:27 PM on Sunday, April 08, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 5 comments   | Filed under:

Lyman's Social Rantings Pt. 1: "It is what it is"

(in this ongoing series our writer looks at different social quirks and practices that annoy the shit out of him)

Has anyone else noticed the phrase "It is what it is" creeping into the social lexicon? I've been hearing it from friends and peers for a little while now but lately I've heard it on TV and talk radio.

What does "It is what it is" mean? At first you think it's some zen-like revelation that all things are simply how they are and we are supposed to find peace with whatever it is we are being told. But that's not what it means. You know what it means?

Absolutely nothing.

"It it what it is" is probably the most verbose way of making no point whatsoever. It is total bullshit. Take notice next time you hear it; it usually always follows a question of which the person has a) no clue how to answer or b) wants to absolve himself of any culpability regarding said inquiry.

"Why aren't we getting fed on this gig?"
"It is what it is."

"What do you mean I'm not getting paid as much as you originally said?"
"It is what it is."

"How the hell can you say Bush didn't purposefully mislead the American public about Iraq?"
"It is what it is."

Please folks, I implore you, if you're guilty of using "It is what it is" stop right now! Resist next time the "It is what it is" urge strikes you. Take time, actually form a thought instead of saying it. The world will be a better place for it.

Posted at at 1:36 PM on Friday, April 06, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 3 comments   | Filed under:

Homicide; Busy Sunday

Since my return home I've spent quite a bit of time on my couch. As you all know leaving the house ain't so easy when you have a newborn (and from what I hear Milo is technically a newborn until 8 weeks) so I've been able to dive in to the DVDs that Kathy sent me, namely the first two seasons of 'Homicide: Life on the Streets'.

Now, growing up I was never a crime drama fan. As a matter of fact I rarely ever watch hour-long dramas period. Over the past few years I've developed quite an appreciation for 'Law and Order' because a) You don't have to watch every one of them to know what the hell is going on and b) The writing is typically terse and action-driven. These things and the fact that it has been on longer than any other crime drama lead me to believe that perhaps 'Law and Order' is the best crime drama ever.

That's until I watched 'Homicide'. Wowzers, what a show. Some of the best writing and acting I've ever seen. I was tearing through the first few DVDs of the series during late-night feedings and nap times until I realized that I was quickly going to reach the end of it. I savored the last few episodes and finished them up tonight. I could wax poetic on why it is good for paragraph upon paragraph but who would really want to read that? You just have to trust me, it's awesome.

Things are going well with Milo. The weather in LA has been beautiful, we went out to eat at a nice place where we knew we could eat outside (Chaioti's for those of you who read SunBaby). The food was great but it took a really long time to get a table outside. Then we tried to go to the park and couldn't get in. Yes they had closed the entrance to the park because there were so many people there. But it was a nice day regardless.

Except for one thing. In the morning while I was getting dressed I heard a huge THUD in our closet and looked up to see that our entire shelf and hanger-rod had fallen along with every stitch of clothing we had hanging or sitting on it. For those of you who haven't visited we have a really long closet that we share, it's about 14 ft. or so. The shelf and rod ran the length of the entire closet. So that's a big headache that could've waited for a better time ... if I had any confidence in my home-making skills I'd just buy a new storage system and install it myself. But I'm the least handy homeowner you know so I'll probably end up paying someone too much money to install it for me. But what the hell? I have diapers to change, let someone else handle the drilling.

Posted at at 10:09 PM on Monday, April 02, 2007 by Posted by Lyman | 5 comments   | Filed under: